Strictly Art

[Hermit]

At the last minute, I thought I'd submit an entry to it Here it is:

Dear Strictly Art,

I would like to enter as a contestant on your "The Next Great Artist" show. Please find all the details you need to know about me below:

Name: Max E Good (Maximillian Ecclescake Good)
Address: You can call me Mr Good, or Max.
Age: We are currently in the Holocene Epoch, which is part of the Quaternay Period, which in turn is part of the Cenozoic Era. This is also known as the "Age of Mammals."
Occupation: An artistic entity and badly drawn stick-figure character. Although, Crimea is currently being occupied by the Russians.
Phone Number: The best one to have in emergencies is your local Chinese takeaway.
Why do I paint?:
I paint because that's what my psychiatrist tells me to do to subdue my homicidal and pyromaniac urges, which is a bit odd, because I only went to see him to cure my excessive masturbation.

Please also find attached a few examples of my work, showing my style and range. The photograph one wasn't meant to be an artwork, but I had trouble keeping a straight face. The last of those four photos should be alright to use. I do expect to be reimbursed for the £5 it cost to have them taken.

It's good to know that the BBC is still making original content and not the same old formulaic toss, repackaged so that no-one will know the difference. This new show should prove to everyone that it doesn't need to steal ideas from anywhere to be original.

Bravo!

yours sincerely
MAX E GOOD

I quite like the idea of this Max E Good character, even though it's just a piss-take. Let's see if they reply...

[Mongrel]

these people really do just sit in a room with a list of current hits and shout random words until one sticks don't they?

'The Great British Wank-off' Now that would be good if made with ladies rather than gentlemen. And without Sue Perkins. Guhhhh

'Downton Midwives' where the whole cast of Downton have miscarriages and die covered in Blood and mucus.

'Strictly Come' - same as the Wank-off, but on a dance floor with sequins and a Professional Partner

[Pat

Is Sue Perkins the lesbian one or the one with the classic British teeth?

I think it was either Andy Jacobs or Paul Hawksby from Talk Sport radio who was once in programme development. In one meeting someone raised the idea for a show a bit like Big Brother but one of the contestants would have a contagious disease that they would have to try and spread to the rest of the participants.

That would be Paul Hawksby. Those two are fucking hilarious btw, love 'em to bits