Frothers Unite! UK

ALizardInCrimson wrote:I need some REALLY outstanding ones (good or bad) so I never have to go again

Run into the bar flustered and shout "I don't know what it is, but it's stalking people in the parking lot! I know this sounds crazy, and no one will believe me, but if you want to live, follow me!" Take several girls back to a nearby motel room to hole up for the night until "the creature moves on" ....

Bonus points if a mate agrees to lay unmoving in the parking lot with ketchup on his white shirt.

'Hi.... if you woke in the morning with no memory of the night before, but your body was telling you you had been fucked in every position all night long, would you call the police?'
Giggle Gigggle, 'No'
'Buy you a drink?'

'Wanna Dance?'
'No'
'You didn't let me finish - wanna dance over there so I can taste these Pork Scratchings, you smelly ugly bitch?'

None of these have failed to work..... at starting a fight...

It doesn't make any difference how good your pickup line is, there'll always be some cunt with loads of money who doesn't even need to try

But, if you don't want to be invited to these singles nights again, just don't shower for a week. Body odour and scruffy, uwashed clothes is always a good repellent.

It works for me

I was running the 'I've got a cool record collection' scam on a potential and played Jimmy Buffet's 'Why Dont' We Get Drunk and Screw' for her:

"I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But yer face don't look too clear
So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o brew
Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw"



It worked

Steders wrote:

TwoGunBob wrote:I've been married for so long that I haven't had to swim with sharks for a long time.

This. Our tactics back in the day was drinking loads, going to night clubs and basically dancing real close to girls, then trying to grapple with them when a slow tune came

That describes about 2 years worth of Friday and Saturday nights for me at Hammersmith Palais and Cambden Palace before House hit and things got proper good.

Heard a Italian lothario try this on two drunk Irish nurses while backpacking in Nice in 89:

"your father was a thief, he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes"

they laughed in his face before saying to the rest of us "you're not going to believe what this cunt just said to us......"

My mates was "I ironed this shirt myself"

bad ones:
"How do you like your eggs in the morning." - "unfertilised" is the correct answer

beckon by curling little finger repeatedly... when she comes over say "if that made you come imagine what this could do" and point to crotch.

An ex of mine was once told at a bar "you have real blow job hair"

She did have nice hair, but not really what immediately came to mind...

Duff wrote:

Steders wrote:

TwoGunBob wrote:I've been married for so long that I haven't had to swim with sharks for a long time.

This. Our tactics back in the day was drinking loads, going to night clubs and basically dancing real close to girls, then trying to grapple with them when a slow tune came

That describes Friday and Saturday nights for me.

Tried this on two drunk Irish nurses:

"your father was a thief, he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes"

they laughed in my face before saying to the rest of their friends "you're not going to believe what this cunt just said to us......"

given what the local Irish nurses were like round our way, you wouldn't have needed any chat up line more complex than 'Hi'

aliensurfer wrote:

Duff wrote:

Steders wrote:

TwoGunBob wrote:I've been married for so long that I haven't had to swim with sharks for a long time.

This. Our tactics back in the day was drinking loads, going to night clubs and basically dancing real close to girls, then trying to grapple with them when a slow tune came

That describes Friday and Saturday nights for me.

Tried this on two drunk Irish nurses:

"your father was a thief, he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes"

they laughed in my face before saying to the rest of their friends "you're not going to believe what this cunt just said to us......"

given what the local Irish nurses were like round our way, you wouldn't have needed any chat up line more complex than 'Hi'

I was just thinking how much of a challenge it must have been to get turned down by a nurse.

Got a really bad one for you.
While fighting to get served at a bar many moons ago thought I'd be a gentleman and tell the barman to serve the lady next to me first.
She appreciated the gesture and said "nice to meet an Australian with manners"